I do not want to admit this... but I must speak the truth. I hate this. Still, I will look on to hope, for how long can I be a coward?


Have long have you all been telling yourselves... "maybe"... "I'll do better"... "It may be different"... all along with "next time"?


Are each of us somehow significant, somehow? How can we possibly, unbias, look into our hearts and admit the truth? How can any of us admit, we want to be better but we chose, we chose ourselves, to be useless? What exactly makes you so important?


Naive little boys and girls talking about their dreams and future, yet they can't do much in the present time. People see you as you are... so many people think they are so clever, so convincing, so manipulative... yet in the end, they are nothing.


How long do they think they can depend on social manipulation? It's all be long, and it's all in the past. All the so-called leaders of the world already done all the work for their own well-being, so do they not this they'll be seen for who they are? In the end, perhaps they may be destroy, and they may just as well deserve it, unless they see...


People complain all the time, but what are they doing to make a difference? What are they doing to try to change it and improve? "I don't care..." "I want to go home" "I don't want to do it"... all signs of laziness, cowardice, and weakness. Just shutup if you are not even trying to do anything... but especially if you were given a chance. And let me tell you, not everyone has an opportunity to do something.


Some people are so fortunate, yet they never realize it. Some people can have it so easy, yet they want to make it seem harder than it is. Some people can do so much, for themselves or for others, yet they're too lazy or selfish to be of any use.


All men were not created equal. They told you that everyone are created equal? All lies, illusions, ideals... a fantasy. A statement said because they want to make ti seem they are as good as anyone else, or want to make it seem that they don't have an edge over anyone, and accomplish so much through perspiration, where everyone had equal opportunity but lacked the ability.... please.


People think about themselves so much, they forget how easily some things can be solved. Others see how they can help, yet they hold back either because it's a hassle, or they fear... fear that their perception was wrong, and others' situation was much worst than first thought.


Why do they tell people they go through things worst than others, if they do not know anything about others? Why tell people they have it so bad, if they do not tell them what is so bad? Why do they bother to tell others they have so much problems, if they are only going to say "you know nothing about me/what's going on"? If they are only going to think about themselves, and not listen to others, why can't they just shutup, instead of telling others to shutup when others may be right? After all, they brought it up...


Now away from my thoughts, to ask, has anyone yet noticed these are many topics merged in one? That these may have nothing to do with ym first few initial phrases? Now that I have broke you from this trance, let's help you forget, for the truth hurts.


I filled out a survey thing. I don't like these, but I was like, what they heck... I'm bored and my stupid cunt of a mother along with that idiot I like to call sister are still watching a stupid movie downstairs.



If you were ???, what would you be?
[a flower] Bittersweet, Iris, or Snowdrop.
[an animal] ... okay, it's getting to long. Let's skip alittle...



[are you left handed or right handed?] Right.
[are you smart?] Define smart and I'll give you a more broadened answer.
[whats your middle name?] Mendador. It was my grandfather's last name. It's traditional for the women in the Philippines to give your kids the honor of your father's last name as their middle name.
[how many personalities do you have?] Let's just say, the infinite amount of numbers in a living world is not enough to calculate the different personalities that I as an individual possess.
[how many piercings do you have?] One on each ear. Ooooh, I'm a rebel now. *rolls eyes*
[tattoos?] Blegh. None.
[do you like v-8?] Yeah, as much of a junk food fiend as I am, I still consume the healthy stuff once in a while.
[what was your first word?] Who made this question, a stalker?
[are you superstitious?] Are you ugly?
[do you read your horoscope?] That doesn't really ask me anything. Yeah, sometimes I read it, like when a friend forces me to read his horoscope...
[do you believe in that stuff] Now we're getting somewhere, good job! No.
[Can you do a cartwheel?] Now? I have absolutely no idea, so I guess that's a no.
[do you have bangs?] I'm Asian. I HAVE to have bangs. =D
[do you have contact lenses?] Even if I needed any type of eye prescription, I wouldn't use contacts because I personally think that people with glasses look smart and sophisticated; hence my collection of fake eye-glasses. =X
[can you drive?] Yes, I even taught myself how and drove over the mountains on my third day of driving, without a permit, license or any drivers training.
[what do you drive?] My life.
[do you snore?] I do not know, I was never awake when I was sleeping before... but theoretically, everyone snores, sometimes depending on the situation.
[do you drool in your sleep?] I wouldn't want to, now do I?
[do you lick your envelopes or use a sponge?] Using a sponge would be so much of an effort just to seal a little piece of glued-together paper. Licking your envelopes is the ghetto-lazy way to do it and I'm proud that I am one of those ghetto lazy people. POWER TO THE GHETTO!
[do you keep a journal?] Why not... there's my english journal... there's a book about my life... there's my online journal... why am I keeping these? =X
[what languages do you know?] What languages do I know? Many languages... let's see how many I can list... English, Korean, French, Spanish, Latin, German, Italian, Japanese, Chinese, Russian.. well, this list is going to get long if I'm allowed to continue.. NUR. I know of many languages, yet the question wasn't broad enough to actually ask what whoever intended it to be. It should at least been something like, "What languages can you speak?" or, "I am a retard and I have way too much time on my hands, so I should write a survey for other pathetic human beings such as I that possess a life almost not worth living because of the boredom that comes with it"
[whats the best awards show?] The imaginary one... you know, the one that doesn't exist or take up your time?
[do you like onions?] When "I feel like it". Depends on how "they" cook it and how I eat it.
[do you like cotton candy?] If I want to.
[do you like Pina coladas?] If they're made right.
[what instruments can you play?] Piano and guitar. I wish I could play precussion, but I haven't really had much practice with it and I can only do a few simple beats which isn't even worth me telling people I can play the damn instrument.
[what words do you overuse?] The, and, yes, no, huh, what, mister, miss, guy, girl, I, you, him, her... [less obvious words] idiot, fuck, shit, damn, HEY YOU STUPID MORON, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY COOKIES
[what do you sleep in?] A bed. I sleep in a bed. =P
[whats your bedtime?] My bed does not revolve around time.
[how many pillows do you have?] Technically none, since I never bought them... but I'm using two..
[do you like to dance?] Why? Want to feel me or something?..
[do you like to sing?] Yes, I love to sing. I sing to annoy people, I sing out of boredom, I sing when I am listening to a song in which I know the lyrics to, I sing when I---*shuts up*
[are you any good at it?] Hey, that's grounds for a fight right there. What?! You making fun of my super cool skills?
[how many cds do you have?] A lot... many of them are empty.
[do you like to talk on the phone?] No, not really. That was actually one of the main reasons why one of my boyfriends broke up with me. lol.
[how many times have you moved houses?] Well I'm assuming any type of homes are included besides houses... many times... so many that I cannot possibly remember them all.
[what do you think of chain letters?] Depending on the situation, it's a misnomer.
[do you like where you live?] No, because it could be better, but it isn't. And the people that I live with [other wise known as my family] are unsuited for my personal and emotional needs, thus I am only at home when I feel like blogging or for other obvious reasons like to sleep and take showers.
[is your room messy?] I don't even have a room, I sleep in the living room. POWER TO THE GHETTO.
[how many people go to your school?] Are you sure they are people?
[do you like your writing?] No, because it keeps changing it's mind.
[do you like to finger-paint?] Yes, because it was the only time I could paint my face in crazy homicidal war colors and chase my neighbors around the block, yelling obscene insults to anyone that crosses my path.
[What do you smell like?] I smell like pretty wildflowers and dandelions.
[Are you organized?] I hope so... but it doesn't always work out that way
[what do you put on hotdogs and hamburgers?] I don't really eat hot dogs or hamburgers. At least not anymore. None after today, I swear. I WILL STICK TO MY VEGETARIANISM, I SWEAR.
[do you sleep with socks on?] Do you sleep with your gloves on?
[are you ticklish?] Am I human? Well, I guess I'm not since I over came being ticklish, thanks for the help of my Auntie Paz.
[are you shy?] Can I be everything else?
[do you talk to yourself?] Yes, because it seems "normal" enough. Normal in my standards anyways.
[is your house 1, 2, or 3 stories?] I don't know if my house have any stories. It certainly never told me it had any, maybe I should ask it.
[do you have a basement or an attic?] I could. Then again, I can just say the ground is my basement, and the sky is my attic.
[what flavor fluoride do you get at the dentist?] I don't know... artificial mint?
[did you go to preschool?] Yes, yes I did.
[are you a morning person?] I am also an afternoon person, evening person, night person..
[whats your favorite outfit?] Outfit? Oh my, such words are beyond my mental comprehension!
[do you have a friend that you wish wasn't?] No, what type of friend would I be if I had a friend in which I despised? If I despised someone enough for them to make me wish I hadn't known them, they wouldn't have the title of being my friend, and would probably have been punched by me years ago.
[who has the sexiest voice in the world?] My mind... because it can influence me, seduce me, convince me, urge me, lead me...
[who has the most annoying voice in the world?] The imaginary voice asking these questions...
[Do you believe in reincarnation?] It's a fun thing to imagine about and talk about with other people, but beyond that, I would have to say "no" until someone comes up with hard proof that it's real.
[Do you believe in God?] I personally think that God is a childish dream, yet I feel as if I'm being ignorant for saying that, but oh well. It's what I honestly think.
[do you believe in aliens?] Aliens can be many things or represented by many things. Yes. If you're talking about extraterrestrials, then Yes also. It would be a fucking waste of this infinite universe if humans were the only "intelligient" beings around..
[do you believe in ghosts] Egh, same thing about reincarnation.
[do you believe in bigfoot?] ....
[do you believe in the loch ness monster?] No.
[whats your favorite feature (on yourself)?] My wit? I don't know.. Oh wait, are you talking about a physical feature? Because I would hate to admit to my concietedness and just bluntly say what I love most about my body, so I'll just shut up now.
[what do you do when you're nervous?] Why must I do anything? Can I not be whatever I want to be, or must I do something when I am something? But to answer that question, I bit my lip and I avoid eye contact. Either that, or I just laugh hysterically pretending everything is okay.
[who's your role model?] Role... model...?
[what will you name your daughter?] Uhh... why is it being implied that I will actually have a daughter in the first place?
[son?] Hmm... *continuing my ponder from the last question* what if I transition to being a lesbian and I never have a son or daughter? WHAT NOW, SMART ASS? Hah, just kidding. I can never be a lesbian, because I can never stand girls for more than two seconds until i want to kick thier ass for being so fucking girly.
[have you ever gone skinny dipping?] Yes, in my bathtub...
[have you ever thought you were gonna die?] Get a life... who's asking me these questions..
[where's the farthest place you ever traveled?] Sky... and who knows how far that is... can't really tell where's the beginning =/
[Would you rather burn to death or freeze to death?] ... freeze. Since my heart has frozen already. Haha. Just kidding. ?_?
[overly happy but poor or unhappy and overly rich?] I have been overly poor all my life and oblivious to it, therefore makes me happy... I guess... so I really don't mind staying this way for the rest of my life.
[if you could change your name, what would it be?] I would take out the "adel" part of my name, add an "ly", a space, and then finally, a "Vanilly" to complete the super duper cool name of Milly Vanilly.
[if you had a band what would you name it?] Persuading Fate.